Amazarashi - 穴を掘っている

[raatkerani]

A few years ago, a daughter of a neighbor committed suicide by starvation. And I wonder how someone can go through that suffering to die. Because there are faster methods if you just want to end it. But most of all, I wonder if she just live one day longer, would she meet another man who could make her happy. I've been interested with the theme of "death" and "suicide" for a long time, perhaps because I used to wonder what would happen if I die, perhaps because a dear friend of mine tried to commit suicide, perhaps because every life ends with death.

I fell in love with this song. The melody, lyrics, and visualization got into me like hurls of hurricane. That's why I interpret it into English, for myself. Perhaps to try understanding those who decided to end their lives early, in their way, as they see fit. I am trying to understand to remind myself not to put judgement, and to remind myself not to run away from this reality.

The video is a piece of art work set in the forest dubbed as the suicide forest. It is on one side of Mount Fuji, in Shizuoka perfecture. It is an eerie world to enter because you can find dead bodies or belongings of those decided to leave this life. I've never been there, and I don't want to. I don't dare to.

My interpertation is not the same with the official translation from Amazarashi. Just so you be warned.

穴を掘っている
I'm digging a hole

穴を掘っている　人生どこで間違えた
穴を掘っている　自暴自棄にスコップを突き立てる
風が唸る森　夜鷹なんかが鳴いちゃってさ
まんまるな満月に　見張られてる25時

I'm digging a hole    Where did my life go wrong?
I'm digging a hole    I'm thrusting my shovel into self-abandonement
In the forest where wind groans    Something like nightjar is crying
Towards the round full moon    I'm on vigil for 25 hours

穴を掘っている　あいつがとうとうしくじった
穴を掘っている　これが　はみ出し者の落とし穴
汗を拭っても　後悔までは拭えない
運の悪さだけは　勲章みたいに胸に張り付いてる

I'm digging a hole    he finally falls
I'm digging a hole    this is     pitfall of the marginalized
Even if I'm wiping my sweat    I cannot wipe this remorse
Being unlucky    is like a medal clinging on my chest

ぽかんと口を開けた闇に　幼い頃の幻想がちらつく
親父がよく言っていた　「悪人も天国に行けるぜ」

Blankly going into the swallowing darkness    dazzled by my childhood illusion
My father used to say     "Even the wickeds can go to heaven"

だって神様も悪人　だって事はガキだって知ってるぜ
泣いても喚いても祈っても　こんな世界に生れ落ちたのが証拠
人生そんなもんなのかもね　諦めは早けりゃ早い方がいい
僕は僕を諦めたぜ　生まれてすぐさま諦めたぜ

Because God is wicked     after all even children knows that
Even if I cry, even if I shout, even if I pray    fallen into this world is a proof
Perhaps life is just that    The sooner you give up, the better
I am giving up my life   giving up as soon as I was born

穴を掘っている　友達だったあいつの為に
穴を掘っている　もう動かない友達の為に
ランタンの灯りで　僕の影が悪魔みたい
この町の路上の　最期としてはよくある話

I'm digging holes   for the sake of those who were friends
I'm digging holes    for my fallow friends
Under the lanter light    my shadow looks like the devil
On this road, this town    death is a story often told

なんとか切り抜けられたら　全て上手くいくはずだった
親父がよく言っていた　「絶望を連れてくるのは希望」

Somehow I got through    All should end well
My father used to say    "It is hope that brings despair"

だって神様も悪人　希望を持たせるだけ持たせて
泣いても喚いても祈っても　最後に突き落とすのがその手口
人生そんなもんなのかもね　諦めは早けりゃ早い方がいい
僕は僕を諦めたぜ　生まれてすぐさま諦めたぜ

Because God is wicked     He only gave me hope but not grant it
Even if I cry, even if I shout, even if I pray    letting me down is the grand plan
Perhaps life is just that    The sooner you give up, the better
I am giving up my life   giving up as soon as I was born

穴を掘っている　背中に銃を突きつけられて
穴を掘っている　自分が入る穴を掘っている
全くくだらない　一生だったな笑えるぜ
頭にくるぜ　なんで僕ばっかり
この人生をバラバラにしちまう勢いで
穴を掘っている　穴を掘っている
穴を掘っている　穴を掘っている

I am digging a hole    thrusting a gun on my back
I am digging a hole    digging one that I will enter
Thoroughly trivial    I'm laughing at my life
It drives me mad    why these only happen to me
This life broke into pieces
I am digging a hole    I am digging a hole
I am digging a hole    I am digging a hole

どうせ僕だって悪人　だって事はガキの頃から決まってた
泣いても喚いても祈っても　生まれる場所までは選べないぜ
人生そんなもんなのかもね　諦めは早けりゃ早い方がいい
さもなきゃ　馬鹿な人間になってしまうぜ
その後に及んで諦めの悪い人間に

After all I am nothing butwicked    because I've always been since before
Even if I cry, even if I shout, even if I pray    I cannot chose I where to be born
Perhaps life is just that    The sooner you give up, the better
Otherwise    they will take you as a fool

諦めの悪い人間になってしまうぜ
You will be a failure of life